Research has found that rewarding kids with things, or taking them away when kids are bad, can fuel a materialistic outlook on life.
It happened again – despite constant reminders week after week you discover your oldest has failed to pick up the clothes on her bedroom floor. The consequence? She can’t use her new scooter for a week.
But things improve when you take all three kids to the grocery store and (miraculously) you get through the check out line without a single whine, complaint, or sibling fight. To reward their good behavior, each kid gets two dollars to buy whatever they want at the toy store next door.
Sound familiar?
All too often parents find themselves in the tempting situation of either taking away prized possessions for bad behavior or rewarding good behavior with a special “gift” or purchase of something their child desires.
The Power of Possessions
But according to a study printed in the Journal of Consumer Research, when parents use material objects to reward kids for good behavior or take them away when they’re bad, those kids grow up to be adults who associate owning things with self-worth and success.
As the authors’ state: “Material rewards received in childhood appear to lead people to place emphasis on possessions as a means to develop and transform self-identity, possibly encouraging them to place more importance on goods in general and become more materialistic than their peers who did not receive as many material rewards.”
For the most part, parents know that lavishing our kids with whatever they desire leads to spoiled kids who grow up to be materialistic adults. But who knew that punishments and rewards focused on “things” could also fuel a materialistic outlook on life?
Punishing with Possessions
But what about when the seven-year-old and five-year-old get into a fight over who gets to play with the train set they got for Christmas? Doesn’t it just make sense to simply take it away?
According to the study: “Taking a favorite toy from a child who bullies a sibling or removing a game box as a consequence for poor grades are examples of material punishment.” the study states. “Repeated instances of this sort of discipline may lead to an escalation of the importance the child places on possessions, in general, a defining characteristic of materialism.”
And if you think materialism means simply wanting nice things, the study points out that other studies show materialistic adults are more likely to be compulsive purchasers, gamble, have more debt, have more financial problems and lower marital satisfaction.
Yikes.
So what works?
One of the easiest ways to get a kids’ attention is to take something away as a punishment and rewarding good behavior through gifts certainly makes an impression on kids.
In a New York Times article about the study, one of the authors, Marsha Richins, suggests this alternative: “I think it’s probably time, attention, and communication,” Ms. Richins said. “Providing encouragement, comfort and having fun. Spending time is the best present you can give them.”
Another suggestion is to take away privileges rather than things when it comes to discipline – like an outing with friends, going to see a new movie or just being grounded. This can be tricky though since some privileges are also tied to things – such as cars.
So the next time your daughter fails to clean her room or your kids surprise you with their good behavior – think of alternatives. Could you cancel a playdate with your daughter’s friend as a consequence of a dirty room? And maybe your kids would appreciate playing a round of Monopoly even more than purchasing more toys as a reward.
In any case, it’s not always easy to think of the perfect consequence in the heat of the moment – and we’re bound to make mistakes – but understanding the impact material parenting can have on our kids can better guide (most) of our decisions.
Related:
Why Every Kid Should Talk Back to Their Parents
How to Raise Responsible Kids – Not Just Obedient Ones
So there’s a small pin it button above the “share the knowledge section”. When you click it, there isn’t an image to pin, so it can’t be pinned.
Otherwise, lovely article. Sending to a few friends 🙂
Thanks Anastasia – I’ll have to check that out! I just changed my theme so that might be the culprit. And thanks for sharing!
Great post! As a sped teacher I helped my kids reach goals using a series of reinforcers. The goal was always to help them move from material rewards to high 5’s, computer time, extra recess, etc.
Kids need to learn early about finance before becoming a teenage. If not then they may become materialistic and expect Parents should always pay. This becomes worst in college which can continue during adulthood.
Sounds like you write from experience! Couldn’t agree more!
Great post! I’m stopping over from the Sits Girls! You raise a good point and I’m going remember this the next time I reward my kids! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
This is useful, thanks!
You’re welcome!
I find this post very useful, it is something I had not considered before. I like the aspect that Marie adds which I think compliments what you were getting across.
Nothing is back and white, this is a reminder to consider and think how our actions are being interpreted and this post is a help to those considerations.
Kathleen
I hadn’t looked at it this way! Still, when a toy doesn’t get put away, that toy still gets taken away. For other things I definitely agree with the time vs. material rewards theory.
Taking away electronics privileges works especially well for my oldest son and I like some of the alternative suggestions in your post. Thanks!. I do reward with “materialistic” rewards. I give my children marbles for doing chores, having good attitudes, doing well in school, etc. At the end of the week, they can cash in each marble for the amount of cents of their age in years ($0.08/marble for my eight-year-old, $0.06 for my six-year-old). This is the only “allowance” my kids get so I’m not quite ready to ditch it.
I try to always use logical consequences when disciplining my kids… but sometimes that means taking away material items; if they can’t remember to pick their Kindle up off the floor so no one steps on it I am going to take it away after repeated reminders to take care of it.
I second the use of electronic privileges. It works very well in our house as a motivator for both kids.
Such useful advice – thanks! My kids are still young but we’re already starting to think about this issue.